If you still care... I don't.

I saw someone tonight.
Someone that made me feel like shit.
Someone that I'm going to be thinking about for a while.
Someone who I fucked over.

Sorry Nathan.
Really.

Here's my deal.
I liked this boy.
I fucked this boy.
I didn't like this boy.
I fucked this boy.
I wanted to like this boy.
I fucked this boy.
Then I never talked to him again.

More than anything at the time I wanted to want him, and I wanted him to want me.
Except, I don't think he ever wanted me.
Like, the me that has interesting things to say.
He only wanted me, as in, sex.
And... I let that happen.
I let it happen for way to long.
By the end of it... I just felt like shit.
In the worst ways.
I didn't even like having sex with him...
I just let it happen because he liked it.
It wasn't good.
Ever.
He would never talk to me.
Or cuddle me.
Or hold my hand.
Kiss my forehead.
Feed me.
Go out in public with me.
I don't know why.
I'll never know why.

He was supposed to move away this summer, but he didn't.
I saw him today at the football game.
I hate feeling like a slut.
Like a bad person.
I can't take back the things that I've done.
And I don't even believe in regret.
But If I could take something back that I could control, that would be it.

I wish I could tell him how sorry I actually am for doing what I did.
But, I wonder if he's sorry too for doing what he did.
He probobly doesn't even realize that he hurt me.
That's okay though.
I've learned.
I've way since moved on.
I just didn't much enjoy the reminder.