Hard Cocks and Airplanes Adrian.

I don't know where I'm going with anything anymore.
I'm floating.
I want to be doing something.
Having some fun.
Going somewhere.
I'm trying, but I always end up stuck.

I've been working.
Not real work I suppose, but work none the less.
Wendy's.
haha.

I'm still with James.
It's been a long time, eight months or something.
We're stuck.
We're not going anywhere.
Forward or backward.
Well... I feel backward.
I'm sure for him it's nowhere.
Stable, but nowhere.
He's treated me twenty times better than any other boy has ever treated me.
I'm so thankful for that.
I'm glad he showed me that not every boy is the same.
He doesn't challenge me though.
He tries to change the things I do to much.
He's not as smart as I am.
He's not creative.
He's not super fun.
He's not anything.
He's neutral.
I love him, but I'm not IN love with him.
I don't think I'll ever be in love with him.
It's good what we have, but it's not perminant stuff.
I know that, and I hope he does too.
I don't know how much longer it can last.
It's sad.
I'll have another era ending.
I'll be super lonely, sad,self-esteemless.
But, that'll be good for me too.
I need a change of pace, a change of something.
I need someone to relate to me at a deeper level than he does.
He doesn't hardly relate to me at all.
We had one night, once, where we talked and talked and we understood each other.
But, one night can only count for so much.
I don't know.
I can't just cut him out.
There has to be a reason other than just cause.
I'll wait, give it more time.

Other than all that, I don't really know.
I'm moving to Indianapolis at the end of July.
Ganna run off and become independant.
I have a crush on a cute boy.
It doesn't mean anything.
He's too young for me.
But, that's alright. I like to pretend.
I'm trying out new friends.
They never fit quite right.
I suck at school, it sucks me.
I live in Brittany's shadow.
I have arthritis.


Goodnight.